Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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