I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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