Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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