walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
