i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
