Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The air taste purple.
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