My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
