Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
