I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
