things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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