my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
