u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
