Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
