I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize