Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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