Pappa wants mamma naked
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
