...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
