My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize