So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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