I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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