i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
