dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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