I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
