Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
