I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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