how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
