did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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