i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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