hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
