genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
