I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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