I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize