Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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