The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
