yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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