She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
