What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize