Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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