mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
