i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
