Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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