oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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