He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
tell me about the eggs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
