I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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