Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We're too hungover to prance.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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