is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
