What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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