the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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