I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
