I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
