i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
