I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
