its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
