I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
