Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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