what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
