went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize