Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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