If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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