Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
